Today Ethan had another surgery. This time the doctors were inserting a pace maker to help keep his heart in rhythm. It went very well and he is recovering just fine.
A few hours after he came back from the O.R. he began waking up from the anesthesia they had given him. His eyes would wander, but seemed to focus on certain things for a few seconds at a time. Sometimes those things were his mama and me. It felt great to have him look me in the eye. I felt as though he knew who I was and that I was there because of my love for him.
At the same time, though it seemed like his eyes were sad and confused. As his gaze traveled from the tubes and wires surrounding him in his bed to the machines and people buzzing around him, I imagined him thinking, "What is all this, Daddy?", "Why is this happening to me?" He looked directly at me as he thrusted his tongue outward in an attempt to get the ventilator tube out of his throat. It just seemed like he kept asking the same question over and over. ..."Why?" It broke my heart and all I kept repeating was, "Daddy's here, buddy. I love you. This will all be over soon."
It occurred to me at that moment that this might be a small picture of our relationship with God.
Sometimes we look around at our situation and, even though we know God is there, we wonder, "What is this, God? Why is this happening to me?" All the while God is there saying, "I'm right here, buddy*. I love you. All of this will be over soon." Sometimes, as in Ethan's case, all of the things happening to us and around us turn out to be for our benefit. Other times tragic things happen that benefit no one, but God is bedside there as well to see us through and to be sure that we are healed.
I think I'm beginning to understand why God chose the "Father/Child" analogy to describe his relationship with us. It really is a beautiful love that I have for Ethan. And how much more beautiful is God's love for us?
I hope I can take his example and be the daddy Ethan needs me to be.
Father, help me.
*Or whatever the female equivalent of that is for my female readers.
14 comment(s):
The love you have for your child is instant and amazing isn't it?
This reminds me of NOOMA 001 Rain.
About your footnote... People have been asking, "Is is different having a girl?" Other than the physical differences, the biggest difference has been how I talk to her. I call Palmer buddy all the time, but for some reason when I called her buddy, it didn't seem right. I settled on calling her lady instead.
Praying for y'all. So amazed to read both of your blogs and hear the strength you are both showing. Such a testament to the redemptive work God is doing in all three of you.
Yes Shannon I think it is very different! Not sure about lady but you can call her what you want! :)
Jeramie,
I am really glad Ethan has a successful surgery yesterday. He is such a little fighter and has two awesome parents who love him so much. Your anology of the Father/Child relationship is so beautiful and so true. We serve an amazing, omnipresent God. My family continues to pray for you daily.
Much Love,
Genia (GiGi)
Jeramie,
That is such a beautiful post. Thank you for encouraging all of us through your experience. You are such an amazing father and husband. It's awesome to hear of the strength you give to Joye. I know that going back to work will be hard. I will start praying for that transition for both of you! Thank you for sharing your emotions and thoughts. We love you
Thanks so much for updating for us. I think of you three every day and I am so proud of your strength! Ethan may be facing a lot of hardships right now but he is truly such a lucky child to have such wonderful and caring parents.
Jeramie,
Thank you for your words here. They were insightful for me. It is good to know that although we don't always know what is going on God is right there with us. That is like little Ethan right now. I am so proud of the type of father you have become for Ethan already and am encouraged through your love for him. Thanks for sharing your feelings. Your heart is beautiful.
Love,
Tara
Jeramie,
Your baby is precious. So sorry he is having to go through so much. Your faith is strong. We are praying for you all. Nothing escapes the eyes of your God! He is ALWAYS there. Love, Momma Haynes
Hey Jeramie and Joye..this is Heather, Wesley's wife. We have prayed for you guys everyday and we believe that God is absolutely using Ethan to touch lives already before he ever meets them. You guys know some of what we have faced throughout this past year and all I know to say is you guys are doing everything right...praying the right prayers, showing strength beyond your own capacity, trusting in God to see you guys through every obstacle...Embrace the education you are receiving for FREE, hahhaha...before long you won't have to ask SOO many questions, you will already have the answers! I tried to find you guys last week but i did not know that he was moved to a room. That is so exciting!! Slade usually has at least one appt every 5/6 weeks up there. Just wanted you guys to know we were thinking of you...Joye, feel free to email or call if you want to talk or have someone listen who understands where you are and where you are headed. We love you guys!
I heard about your story through Gwen and Jerome Bullard. I attend their church. I just wanted to let you know that you are a great writer and that your blog is encouraging even through a bad situation. More importantly I wanted to encourage you and your family. We are praying for Ethan and trusting that God will bring a complete healing in his life that he may be a testimony to the world. He already is touching so many. I sent a link of your blog to some teachers that I work with. It touched one so much that she cryed and sent me an email to let me know how much it has touched her. Thanks for sharing your story!
I checked your blog to see if you had any updates lately and I re-read this day's blog and a tear filled up in the corner of my eye.
What an awesome testimony Jeramie! Father/son relation is a very good analogy of God's love for us.
Ethan is home now and being cuddled and loved by you and Joye. I know you are enjoying every second you have with him. I am sure that each moment you spend with him will never be taken for granted.
You are such a wonderful father to Ethan. I look forward to watching him grow and watching you and Joye raise him.
Love always,
Grandma A.
I think you got a little spam in you comments.
Thanks, Shannon. I took care of it.
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