Earlier I posted about my noticing the way I treat homeless people and that it bothered me. I can't explain where the feelings came from*, I just know that they were wrong. This is my response to Rebecca's comment on that post.
I definitely agree with the assertion that it is better not to enable someone if they have a problem that seems to land them in the same position over and over. I think that I have even used that as an excuse to ignore the part of me that has compassion on people in that position. I think there is definitely a need to think through how you plan to help someone in need (homeless or not). The more important thing, however is that you try. I find it so easy to make excuses for why I can't or shouldn't put myself out there for someone. The more difficult thing is to trust in people enough to care for them.
Christ's command to us is to love our neighbor. While we need to be wise about the way we choose to do that, I think he may be less concerned about us being taken advantage of. That's the dangerous thing about love. It leaves you vulnerable; vulnerable to rejection and to being taken for granted. Christ set the ultimate example of love for us and left us with the choice to completely take that love for granted or to act on it and let it be the reason we love those around us.
To address the question of if my giving Bill something to eat enables him to keep doing the thing that landed him there in the first place, I simply don't know. However, I think the thing that's changed in me is the ability to see that any help I offer stands a better chance of stopping the cycle than hiding my eyes and driving by ever could.
And Rebecca, don't worry. I wasn't upset at all by your questions. It's good to have the conversation.
I'd like everyone who read this far to answer this question:
What if you give someone five** bucks and they go and spend that money in a way that hurts themselves or someone else? Is that your fault?
(If you have your own blog and you feel your answer will "ramble" feel free to post about it and link to it in the comments. If you don't have your own blog, take as much space as you need.)
* Maybe my psychologist friend could.
** Feel free to change the dollar amount to fit your own scenario.
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7 comment(s):
Matthew 6:2-4 says "WHEN you give to the needy..." as opposed to "IF you give to the needy..." and so we are called to give. Period. It doesn't say to give only to those who are using your money for things which you deem worthy; it just says to give. This verse pretty much sums it up for me.
I was not implying that you should not give, Kim. Nor was I implying that you should give only to people who use your money for things you deem worthy. I do think it's great that Jeramie gave the guy some food and talked to him. I think it's a good start. I was merely questioning what is the next step after that. Because if we really want to make a difference, just giving the guy some food or some money can't be the last step.
Honestly, I don't have the answer either. I was just trying to start a conversation.
However, responses like the comment above, which misunderstand my point and seem accusatory, make me reluctant to ever want to make a comment again. So this is the end of me trying to start conversations. If you want to talk to me, you know where to find me.
Ok so time for my two cents worth. I agree with Jeramie that often fear of enabling someone can lead to inaction, which ultimately is not what Christians are called to do. I think the point my wife is trying to make is about the danger of using our “good works” to puff up our faith, to make us feel better about being a Christian. Personally I have fallen into this trap before. Looking out for the poor and needy is a good thing, a necessary and commanded thing. However the question we are asking, the point we are making, is that simply tossing money or a sandwich at someone is easy. I mean honestly is it even giving anything of myself to lean out the window and hand someone five dollars? I would answer no. having a huge amount of experience dealing with homeless people I think gives me a little different perspective. I am sorry if you don’t like to hear this but giving someone who lives on the street, food, money or even clothes (only) enables them to continue on in their destructive behavior… period. (Just a few examples to illustrate my point outside of my own countless experiences http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,349890,00.html and http://www2.oprah.com/tows/slide/200612/20061201/slide_20061201_284_107.jhtml
The reality is we as Christians often “give” simply to fulfill the commandment of Matthew 6:2-4. Unfortunately when we do this, it often makes us feel like we have done something good, when tragically we are corrupting the message of the Gospel. Beyond the call to give to the needy (which we are told to do in secret) All of Matthew 6 talks about moving away from reliance on things, and ultimately to the glory of the gospel, seeking first the kingdom of God. What message are we sending to a man on a street corner to give him 5 dollars and walk away? (Conversely I am not saying we hand him a four spiritual laws track and walk away) We are telling him money is the solution to his problems. Going beyond that even I think what is really at the heart of this issue is Love. I am commanded to love my neighbor as myself. So somehow I must look at the man standing on the street corner and decide how to best love him. My reluctance to give him money has nothing whatsoever in anyway to do with a “fear of being taking advantage of ”. This is how I have come to view the situation; if I was that man’s mother or father how would I deal with him. If any of you know anything about addiction, you know enabling behavior is the most dangerous thing you can do for an addict, in fact it can be argued it is the most unloving this you can do. Turn on A&E and watch intervention if you have never dealt with it in your own life. The very first thing you do in a twelve step program is take responsibility for your addiction and you life. Giving someone a hand out does nothing to encourage them to take responsibility for their life or their behavior. On that note Jeramie I have to disagree very strongly with your point that any help is better then no help. If the goal is to make yourself feel better about your Christianity then yes any little bit helps with that. If you don’t take my word for it read what the homeless man in the above article said. Phalen Pierson, 48, who has been homeless on and off for eight years (stated). "In Madison, it's like 'here, here, here.' There's too many handouts. A lot of these guys sit on their butts all day and don't do nothing but drink."
I have made my stance on this position very clear in the past. I have had people from our church and home group tell me they agree with me and I have gotten some really nasty looks, and heard some pretty snide comments said behind my back, which is fine and doesn’t really bother me. I think this is the case however because it is hard to face and people don’t want to see how utterly ineffective and horrible the church is in this day and age at actually ministering to the poor and needy as Jesus called us to. Personally I don’t have the answer as to how to move forward, on what we need to do to really love these people. However I do know this, the problem is growing, and petting our christen ego’s by giving the man 5 bucks or a big mac is doing nothing but make the problem grow bigger, because is doesn’t require us as Christians to really question the lovingness of our action, or stretch our brains to figure out how to truly love others as Christ loved us. Ultimately my desire for making my stance known on this whole issue is to see us as a local church and as a universal church, move beyond the easy answer and truly engage the world around us.
whoa.
Joel - I agree that giving someone in need money or food just to "[pet my] christian ego" is wrong. However, the point of my original post on the subject was to document one "baby step" in my own understanding of what it means to love someone in that position. Thanks for joining the conversation.
Rebecca - You shouldn't stop commenting. It's good to have the conversation, but in any good conversation there will be agreements and disagreements. We should all just take a deep breath and try not to be so easily offended.
I'm not sure if this conversation is about people in general or about Willie, the guy at the corner of Tryon and Gorman.
Daniel and I have asked Willie in the past what he needs most. His answer that day was Advil. He had a toothache.
Next time I see him, I will ask him what he thinks it would take to get him off the corner.
I feel misunderstood. Rebecca, I read Jeramie's first post and commented. Then, I read his second post and commented (or really, I just answered his question). I never went back to read anything else that was written after I had commented. Therefore, my comment was in no way directed towards you since I didn't even know that you had commented.
I was not accusing you of anything. Please accept my apologies if I offended you in any way. I was simply answering Jeramie's question. I value your opinion, so please don't think that I misunderstood your point or was trying to be accusatory. That was certainly not my intention.
You do not know me. I will probably regret entering this conversation, but two different folks pointed it out to me and asked my comments.
As I do have a bit of experieance with this and I do have a lot to say, I followed directions and posted it on my blog.
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